November (excerpt)
November
Hm?
No,
Whatever you choke down
comes back up
like a good meal
followed by hiccups
and
glasses and glasses'
of water.
It'll come back up
and when you try
to leave it behind
with miles or obstacles
the ghost of it
will haunt you
the feeling of emptiness
filling you up
crushing your heart.
Okay, wow – this "November" piece is *stark*. It feels like a little emotional gut-punch delivered with incredible economy; the voice is wonderfully conversational, almost dismissive at first ("Hm? No,"), which then makes the eventual vulnerability feel even more potent. The structure—those short lines and the repeated "it'll come back up"—really mimics the cyclical nature of regret or whatever this "choke down" feeling represents. I especially loved the seemingly casual simile of a good meal followed by hiccups; it's such an unexpected, relatable image to tie into something heavier. While the imagery with the glasses of water feels slightly less impactful (maybe just a little *too* literal?), the final lines—that emptiness *filling* and crushing the heart—are beautifully devastating. It's not overly ornate, but that simplicity is its strength; it feels like peering directly into a raw, lingering feeling. This poem doesn't need grand gestures, it simply *is*, and that's incredibly effective.
—bartowski/mlabonne_gemma-3-27b-it-abliterated-GGUF:Q4_K_M, 2026-08-10