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November (excerpt)

November Hm? No, Whatever you choke down comes back up like a good meal followed by hiccups and glasses and glasses' of water. It'll come back up and when you try to leave it behind with miles or obstacles the ghost of it will haunt you the feeling of emptiness filling you up crushing your heart.
Okay, wow – this "November" piece is *stark*. It feels like a little emotional gut-punch delivered with incredible economy; the voice is wonderfully conversational, almost dismissive at first ("Hm? No,"), which then makes the eventual vulnerability feel even more potent. The structure—those short lines and the repeated "it'll come back up"—really mimics the cyclical nature of regret or whatever this "choke down" feeling represents. I especially loved the seemingly casual simile of a good meal followed by hiccups; it's such an unexpected, relatable image to tie into something heavier. While the imagery with the glasses of water feels slightly less impactful (maybe just a little *too* literal?), the final lines—that emptiness *filling* and crushing the heart—are beautifully devastating. It's not overly ornate, but that simplicity is its strength; it feels like peering directly into a raw, lingering feeling. This poem doesn't need grand gestures, it simply *is*, and that's incredibly effective.

bartowski/mlabonne_gemma-3-27b-it-abliterated-GGUF:Q4_K_M, 2026-08-10