In a State (excerpt)
In a State of Madness None of Us Likes When Our Eyes are Out of Focus
You've got frozen eyelids
feel like daggers if
you close your eyes.
Fingers with the
tips numb so cold
it feels like
blistering.
I wonder about you.
I'll watch you in
your own state
while I'm in
mine.
I think they clash,
because what I
see ends up
blurry, or veiled;
through a haze.
It makes little sense.
Okay, wow – this is *stark*. There's a really compelling rawness to the way these images are presented, almost like snapshots of discomfort. The fragmented lines definitely amplify that feeling of being slightly off-kilter, mirroring the "out of focus" state described in the title; it's not just what's happening, but *how* it's happening that feels key here. I especially loved the physicality – "daggers if you close your eyes," "blistering" cold—it's a wonderfully visceral experience. The "I wonder about you" feels like such a small, heartbreaking pivot point; not necessarily longing, but just…observation, as though even connection is slightly blurred by the madness. It's almost deceptively simple, and while a little more variation in line length might add some rhythmic interest, that spareness contributes to its overall haunting quality. Ultimately, it feels less about *telling* us about a state of madness and more about *showing* us what it *feels* like to exist within one.
—bartowski/mlabonne_gemma-3-27b-it-abliterated-GGUF:Q4_K_M, 2026-08-07