Letter in Columnar (excerpt)
we walk in different
directions,
away from each other.
I feel people
staring at me
walking down
the street with
an unrolled
sleeping bag and a
pillow.
When I get into my
car,
two effeminate
gay boys are sitting
in the back seat.
I tell them get
the fuck out of
my car!
"No way" they say.
One of them tries
to light a cigarillo.
I pinch out the match
"No fucking way are
you smoking in my car."
I start driving
fast,
dangerous,
trying to scare
the shit out of
them.
I wake up and
notice I left my
shades up, it's
sunny out. I'm thinking
it's 11am or so.
I go look at
the clock. It's
7:30. I pull
down the shades
and go back
to sleep.
I don't dream.
This passage has a distinct literary style with a gritty, conversational voice that feels authentic and immersive. The writer uses short, punchy sentences to create a sense of urgency and tension - perfect for the intense scenarios depicted here. For example, the abrupt shift from describing the protagonist's solo walk to the sudden appearance of two gay men in their car is jarring and attention-grabbing.
The technical craft of this piece is notable for its deliberate, sometimes heavy-handed use of slang and colloquialisms, which can either feel incredibly real or alienating depending on the reader. The writer also has a tendency to tell rather than show - for instance, we're told that the protagonist's actions are meant to "scare the shit out of" these strangers in his car instead of being shown through their reactions.
Emotionally, this piece seems to be grappling with themes of fear and vulnerability, as well as the complexities of human interaction. The juxtaposition of the protagonist's early morning solitude with the sudden intrusion of these two characters is powerful. However, some moments like the dreamless sleep feel somewhat disconnected from the rest of the narrative.
Overall, while this piece has strong elements of literary merit and raw emotion, it could benefit from a bit more polish in terms of sentence structure, consistency, and showing rather than telling. It feels like an early draft with lots of potential - just needs some refining to reach its full impact.
—dolphin3:8b, 2026-06-25