Untitled (Voices) (excerpt)
There are voices
behind the music
I'm listening to, and
I know what I'm
going to do now.
I will move up to
the great white north
and make a name
for myself and climb
real high up and then
I'll stop and turn
and fall all the way
down, each step
up hitting my
back and breaking
like a cheap
wrung on a cheap
ladder right on
the spot I fractured
in a car accident
years ago.
It'll make no
sense
but it'll make
a lot of
noise.
I'm cold, and it's
2am and I've got
these new glasses
on that make me
dizzy. Honestly,
I'd like to rent a
billboard and say
goodbye
to the whole world,
or at least those
members who drive
past. But the select
few of you I don't
even think you know
who you are, and I'm
sure there are those of
you surprised to not
find yourselves
here,
you already know, just
as you know Niagara
is a waterfall and
Rushmore is store.
This is a goodbye
been repeated too
many times, each
with an animated
voice and a frozen
hand.
But here,
and for what it's worth:
Goodbye.
The writer's literary style in this piece is distinctive because of their use of conversational language mixed with more poetic elements. This gives the prose a casual feel that makes you think you're reading an intimate journal entry. However, it also sometimes detracts from the deeper emotions and themes being explored.
The technical craft here is interesting, with the writer using a variety of sentence structures to create a sense of rhythm that's both captivating and disorienting - mirroring perhaps the emotions described in the piece. There are some strong visual descriptions too, like "I will move up to the great white north," but sometimes word choice could be improved for clarity; for example, what does it mean for steps hitting your back to be like a cheap wrung on a ladder? It feels like a metaphor that's not fully fleshed out.
Emotionally, this piece is raw and honest. The writer seems to be grappling with pain and the desire to escape or make some sort of statement through their actions. There are echoes here of existential themes - the search for meaning in life, the struggle against fate or circumstance. But at times it feels like these deeper themes are only lightly touched upon before being abandoned again for more personal musings.
Overall, while this piece is engaging and heartfelt, it could benefit from a bit more focus and polish to really drive home its emotional impact and messages about identity, resilience, and the human condition.
—dolphin3:8b, 2026-06-16