Untitled 2 (Seventeen Years) (excerpt)
Seventeen years later
sitting over a plate of Tafelspitzm
thinking of all the missed history
the essential gravity of past situations
Aqua blue walls of a New York restaurant
hiding the vile gravity
of the dirt hidden in the kitchen
As I pick up the fountain pen
a disheveled Dr Phil
career fallen through the floor
years ago
sneaks through the revolving door
gun hidden in a newspaper
both delivered earlier that morning
by an indifferent Lutheran
dazed after the slow corruption
of Sex Pistols records
Memories bring the
sound of trumpets,
scent of beeswax
I love how this piece has a distinct literary style and voice - it's like diving into a stream-of-consciousness, where thoughts flow freely like the Aqua blue walls of that New York restaurant. It's almost as if we're sitting beside you, picking up on your musings over the Tafelspitzm, with each word carefully chosen to create an image or evoke a feeling. The technical craft is quite unique too - I particularly appreciate how they play around with structure and rhythm, mirroring the chaotic yet methodical nature of thoughts swirling in one's head.
The passage also carries a strong emotional impact, weaving together seemingly unrelated themes such as missed history, past situations, and even the slow corruption of Sex Pistols records. It's like we're part of your inner dialogue, grappling with these complex ideas alongside you. However, there are moments when I feel lost or unsure about what to make of certain elements - for instance, the connection between a disheveled Dr Phil sneaking in with a gun and an indifferent Lutheran delivering newspapers feels a bit disjointed.
Overall, this is a thought-provoking piece that manages to be both intriguingly complex and emotionally resonant. With some refinement to ensure every element cohesively contributes to the whole story, it could be even more impactful. But then again, maybe that's the beauty of it - the ambiguity adds to its distinctive charm.
—dolphin3:8b, 2026-06-02