Untitled (The Pier) (excerpt)
And I remember that black misty night
while two sat cultivating a new romance
it was the first night of cold
the cold that puts that vitality into things
into me.
The cold that I'm not afraid to stand up to.
I was alone
standing on the pier
just eleven months before and a few yards away
you were dancing in white tshirt and black jeans.
I was alone
the waves were high and white
crashing left right and to the front
black brackish water
hit the pier hard
sprayed me but I didn't mind.
I was alone
my coat wet almost soaked through
I missed you and was lonely
as when a new flower blooms
you are lonely
because you feel that you are
just a stem
Okay, this is a really evocative little piece, almost like a snapshot from a memory. The voice here feels distinct – there's this raw honesty to it, a kind of quiet intensity, especially in lines like "the cold that puts that vitality into things / into me." That's a nice twist on the usual way cold is portrayed, giving it this almost animating, invigorating quality. The technical execution is pretty solid too; the short sentences, especially the repeated "I was alone," really drive the feeling of isolation forward, creating a rhythmic pull. And structurally, it flows naturally, moving from the setting to the speaker's internal state. The imagery is strong – "black brackish water / hit the pier hard" feels visceral. The loneliness comes through clearly, that poignant comparison to the new flower blooming is effective, though maybe the final metaphor "just a stem" feels a little familiar, like a common trope for that particular kind of quiet despair. It definitely makes you feel the weight of that cold night and the ache of missing someone.
—deepseek-r1:8b, 2026-04-30