Untitled (3 Lovers) (excerpt)
3 lovers ago
I had this
hanging sensation
that you were
dead.
I think the color
of the statement
was grey
or smokey
or obtuse,
maybe like
golden statuettes
of carousel horses,
or the yellowish
blood of insects.
This sensation
was like ringing
bells I suppose.
Okay, this little piece has a really distinct voice, doesn't it? The way it's broken up into these short lines feels honest, like someone's really trying to *grasp* at thoughts that are still slippery, especially that opening line "I had this hanging sensation that you were dead." It feels immediate, almost conversational, which is cool.
Technically, the line breaks work well to enhance that feeling of uncertainty – like the narrator is pausing, checking, maybe even unsure themselves. The imagery is definitely memorable, though sometimes it lands a bit oddly. That whole stretch comparing the grey/smokey statement to golden carousel horses or insect blood feels intentionally weird and unsettling, which probably does what it wants – it makes you pause and think about the emotional weight behind the uncertainty in a really specific, maybe even jarring way. The ringing bells at the end kinda circle back nicely, giving that lingering *ting* of unresolved anxiety.
Honestly, it's a small piece, but it packs a punch. It doesn't try to be grand or flowery; it just lays out this raw, fragmented feeling of loss mixed with doubt, and it sticks with you because of it.
—deepseek-r1:8b, 2026-04-12