Untitled (Thanksgiving) (excerpt)
This is the night before Thanksgiving;
half hour before the turn, actually.
Sitting at work,
not working.
at a small table in the back,
Heavy salty dance music
through the floor and ceiling,
our own in front of me.
It was cold on the way
here, with the wind
that's been constant
for the past few days.
Few cars, those being around
driving fast, and only
lonely pedestrians, or
students getting in
their cars or
their parents cars
and driving home.
All the cabs are driving
with their brights on.
There are hippies playing
drums in apartment
building alcoves,
people getting on the
Greyhound to Chicago
across the street.
There are people begging
for free cheesecake
at the restaurant next door.
There are people smoking and
celebrating birthdays.
The skin in my mouth is raw, and
the headline of tomorrow's newspaper
will probably read
"Happy Thanksgiving"
This passage is an interesting exploration into a specific moment before Thanksgiving, showcasing the writer's unique ability to capture the atmosphere and details of their surroundings. The literary style is raw and real, with a sense of stream-of-consciousness that gives it an authentic feel. The voice is distinctive and engaging, drawing readers into the scene with vivid imagery - from the 'heavy salty dance music' to the 'hippies playing drums'.
However, on a technical level, there are a few areas that could use refinement. Some sentences are overly long and may benefit from being broken up for easier readability. Additionally, punctuation and capitalization seem unconventional at times, which might distract readers. In terms of emotional impact and themes, the passage effectively conveys a sense of solitude and chaos in the lead-up to Thanksgiving, highlighting the contrast between people's diverse situations. It evokes a feeling of empathy for the characters observed, as well as a subtle commentary on societal norms surrounding the holiday. Overall, I appreciate the unique voice and style present in this piece, but suggest making minor adjustments to enhance clarity and cohesion.
—nous-hermes2pro:Q4_K_M, 2026-03-23