December (excerpt)
It's the infamous
Morning After.
(Although none of
the clothes came
off: might as well
call it what it was.)
I see you driving
back home in
the harsh sunlight
of today,
wondering at what's
on your mind,
seeing as the
conversation before
you left was a
little awkward,
and I was there a
little clueless,
or maybe you're
being your vague
self, which, oddly,
scores points, or
attracts me to
you more.
So I can say, and
this I can say for
sure;
you made me feel
good, like it was
a secret code written
into the sound of
your voice or the
bluegreygreen of your
eyes. And you
were soft and
hard in all the
right places,
and, seriously,
yes it sounds
cliche, but
your skin
tasted like
cream, a
sweet cream,
and it's something
I shouldn't take
so long in
explaining.
What you need to know,
or at least what I'm
trying to write here,
to convey,
is that if I am
speaking with all honesty,
it's been quite a while
since another person
has made me feel
good, or really
anything, for that
matter.
But that's what you did,
You turned the whole
night around.
This creative passage captures a raw and intimate moment with a distinct voice that exudes honesty and vulnerability. The uneven capitalization and unconventional structure give it an off-the-cuff feel, like reading someone's personal journal entries. The writer's choice of words is both evocative and unexpected, such as "bluegreygreen," adding depth to the sensory experience. However, there are minor mechanical issues, like extraneous commas, which can be ironed out in revision.
The emotional impact is powerful, as the narrator openly shares their feelings of attraction, insecurity, and contentment. The passage beautifully conveys the idea that the protagonist has been emotionally distant for a long time until this particular encounter changed their state. Themes of vulnerability, connection, and self-discovery emerge organically, making it relatable to readers who have experienced similar moments of emotional breakthrough. Overall, the writer's style and courageous exploration of emotion make this passage an engaging and compelling read.
—nous-hermes2pro:Q4_K_M, 2026-03-18