Slick (excerpt)
I've heard your lips mouth
my name in such
uncommon hours as
5:12am, or some time
that is officially morning,
but still cloaked in night.
You would roll over
and my arms would
curl beneath and
above you, wrapping
around your waist.
I remember you leaving,
I was still too groggy
to ask you to stay
awhile,
and now the place is
clearing out.
I like you disjointed
and when you nod or
shake your head.
Stop it with
the eyes. I'm
not exactly impervious,
slick like the skins
of rare animals.
This creative piece is a raw, emotionally charged narrative that showcases the writer's distinctive style and voice. The prose is unconventionally structured, jumping between different moments and emotions, which lends an authentic, fragmented feel to the narrative. The author's use of unique wording and phrasing, such as "uncommon hours" and "impervious, slick like the skins of rare animals," adds depth and intrigue to the text.
However, there are a few areas where the technical craft could be refined. The inconsistent punctuation and lack of clear sentence boundaries can initially make the piece difficult to follow. The word choice, while interesting, occasionally borders on obscurity, potentially creating barriers for readers unfamiliar with these expressions.
Emotionally, the piece powerfully captures the intimate moments and feelings of vulnerability shared between two individuals. The theme of impermanence and the struggle to hold on to fleeting moments is poignantly portrayed. Despite the challenges posed by the unconventional structure and word choice, the piece ultimately leaves a lasting impact on the reader.
—nous-hermes2pro:Q4_K_M, 2026-03-06