In a State (excerpt)
In a State of Madness None of Us Likes When Our Eyes are Out of Focus
You've got frozen eyelids
feel like daggers if
you close your eyes.
Fingers with the
tips numb so cold
it feels like
blistering.
I wonder about you.
I'll watch you in
your own state
while I'm in
mine.
I think they clash,
because what I
see ends up
blurry, or veiled;
through a haze.
It makes little sense.
Okay, so this piece is definitely playing with form and structure – those short, fragmented lines create a sense of unease and disorientation, mirroring the speaker's own "state of madness." The visceral imagery like "frozen eyelids feel like daggers" and "fingers...numb so cold it feels like blistering" really packs a punch. It makes you physically feel the discomfort alongside the speaker. But honestly, I struggled with the emotional core. The line "I wonder about you" felt jarring – who is this "you"? Is it empathy, curiosity, or something more sinister? And while the blurry vision metaphor is interesting, it ultimately feels a bit underdeveloped. Like, what's being obscured? What's the clashing with? I left wanting more clarity and emotional resonance.
—gemma2:27b, 2026-02-22