Untitled (Failed Letter I) (excerpt)
But it's like we
said about telling
someone that they're
beautiful and
having them be
all uncomfortable
about it.
Now I'm wishing
I'd called you;
then at least I'd
know what you're
thinking.
I'm in no solid
state. I'm
scattered and collected
alternately.
You brought me together
one night and no
you're not the only one,
but the morning after
I still felt ok,
felt good, felt like I
could like you and not
feel guilty.
Okay, so this piece is interesting because it plays with form in a way that really mirrors its emotional content. See how the lines are broken up? That fragmented structure echoes the speaker's feeling of being "scattered and collected alternately." The voice is raw and vulnerable – I love the honesty in lines like "I'm in no solid state" and the admission about not wanting to feel guilty for liking someone. However, the passage could benefit from a bit more concrete imagery. While the emotions are clear, it feels a little abstract at times. Maybe grounding some of those feelings in specific details or memories would add another layer of depth. Overall, though, I think there's real potential here – the rawness and honesty are captivating.
—gemma2:27b, 2026-02-20