Untitled (The Pier) (excerpt)
I was alone
standing on the pier
just eleven months before and a few yards away
you were dancing in white tshirt and black jeans.
I was alone
the waves were high and white
crashing left right and to the front
black brackish water
hit the pier hard
sprayed me but I didn't mind.
I was alone
my coat wet almost soaked through
I missed you and was lonely
as when a new flower blooms
you are lonely
because you feel that you are
just a stem
Okay, so this piece has some real raw emotion going on. The repetition of "I was alone" hammers home the speaker's isolation, and there's a palpable sense of yearning for the absent "you." The fragmented lines and sparse descriptions create a feeling of unease, mirroring the emotional turmoil. I love the image of the waves crashing – it's almost violent, which reflects the inner pain. But the ending feels a bit jarring. Comparing loneliness to a flower stem needing support is interesting, but it doesn't quite land for me. Maybe exploring that metaphor further could add another layer of meaning? Overall though, this piece has a powerful, melancholic core.
—gemma2:27b, 2026-02-18