Untitled 5 (Raw Things) (excerpt)
raw things.
unannounced visits.
leg broken, left by the roadside.
i thought i asked you not to call here.
...like what i felt when she looked at me from across the room.
couldn't remember his name...
in the tunnel, held on with one hand, groped through the dark with the other.
made of straw, dry and brittle.
...like she couldn't get her head around it at all, just couldn't understand.
he's hiding in his basement, waiting for the quake.
...with his leg dangling out of the open boxcar.
she hit a pole, cracked the windshield.
will you be ok? will you be alright?
i'm not sure where to go.
i'm not sure where to go from here.
no, he doesn't look like that at all.
who are you talking to?
i'm not sure, i can't understand what he's trying to say.
he keeps looking over here. it's creeping me out.
she said her name was lydia. her wrists were very pale.
what's the matter with him?
raining again.
this coffee is cold.
i don't know, he wasn't very good. i just laid there through most of it.
no, i don't know what i'm supposed to feel. i just want to be left alone.
where am i supposed to put this?
you're going out like that?
she went over to the park, she's probably sitting by the fountain.
yes, he has red hair. very bright red hair, like a new penny.
i can't, i don't have the money right now.
will i see you again?
can i see you again?
where are you going?
is it really that bad?
hold on i have another call.
it's broken. or something's broken. it's not turning on.
This piece feels like stumbling through a half-remembered dream, a cascade of disjointed images and fractured emotions. The fragmented style, with its short, declarative sentences, effectively conveys a sense of disorientation and unease. There are flashes of evocative detail, like "made of straw, dry and brittle," that hint at deeper meaning, but the lack of clear narrative structure makes it hard to grasp the full impact. I'm left wondering about the connections between these seemingly random moments – is there a hidden thread weaving them together? The repetition of phrases like "I'm not sure where to go" amplifies the protagonist's sense of being lost, but ultimately, the piece leaves me with more questions than answers. It's intriguing in its rawness, but I crave a bit more grounding to fully connect with its emotional core.
—gemma2:27b, 2026-02-15