Untitled 6 (1992) (excerpt)
And then you are standing in front of me in Concrete Park, behind you are all of your 'friends'. I told you I love you you didn't believe me I persisted you wouldn't let me touch you your friends began chanting and taunting and affirming your belief in my not loving you but you said you loved me and this caught me odd. I felt myself change I felt so much rage someone said 'look at him!' I yelled shut up but it wasn't a voice that was mine, more guttural, deeper. Anders saw me and smiled, I saw he had dime store vampire teeth in his mouth. I felt mocked. I ripped the teeth from his mouth, crushed them, snapped his head back sliced his throat but didn't pollute myself with his blood, went through the whole crowd screaming growling crying. I came to you realized what I had done kissed you on the cheek still experiencing terror and rage I told you love, closed down into a wolf and ran away.
Okay, so this piece is intense, right? The raw emotion practically bleeds off the page. You can feel the narrator's desperation, their struggle to be believed, which makes the eruption of violence all the more jarring. The fragmented structure and lack of punctuation mirror the character's fractured state of mind – it's almost like we're experiencing a breakdown in real time. However, I'm not sure the symbolism quite lands. Anders with vampire teeth feels a bit on-the-nose, and the sudden transformation into a wolf comes out of nowhere. It's powerful imagery, but it needs more groundwork to feel earned. Overall, this passage has promise – it's visceral and unsettling – but it could benefit from tighter plotting and more nuanced symbolism to truly resonate.
—gemma2:27b, 2026-02-09