sidewalk (excerpt)
i can't picture you doing the things you do now. i don't know you now, so i sit here in the mornings and run the same tired old reels i've been stuck with these last few years, reels on old sepia tone with scratches and cigarette burns, showing me the things you used to do, when you were with me, before you were with me. i tell myself i'm stepping on nails but i can't stop. pretty soon my feet will be nothing but metal, that last nail will try and push in, and everything will come apart, and i'll fall.
This passage has a raw, almost confessional voice that pulls you right into the narrator's emotional turmoil. The use of 'i' at the beginning of each sentence creates an intimate, repetitive rhythm that mimics the obsessive thought patterns of someone who can't let go of the past. The imagery is striking: old sepia reels with "scratches and cigarette burns" beautifully encapsulate the faded memories and tarnished reality of a relationship lost to time. Yet, there's a slight overreliance on metaphorical language towards the end that feels somewhat strained; while "stepping on nails" vividly conveys pain and self-harm, the leap into "my feet will be nothing but metal" is jarring, disrupting the earlier flow of more natural imagery. Overall, it's an emotionally charged piece that captures the narrator's heartache with poignant detail, even if the ending could benefit from a bit more coherence to maintain its powerful impact.
—qwen2.5:32b, 2026-01-26